Phoning People
by Screamer's Wolves
Summary: Weirdest. Phone Call. Ever. And so the hilarity ensues. Read to see what happens. BxR Fluff and maybe Yaoi ahead!
1. He Got PHONED!

Authoress Notes:

This is my first story so please be nice. This is a story I created on the spot one day when I was talking to my best friend. She said is was very funny and that I should put it on FanFiction, so I thought why not. Hope you enjoy.

Information:

* * - phone stuff

:: :: - Ryou's texts

/ / - Malik's texts

Disclaimer:

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, just this phone call. Lol

Phoning People

Ryou was sitting on his couch in the living room texting to Malik. :: Hey Malik, can you phone me? :: / Sure, hang on. / meanwhile little did Ryou know Bakura was reading silently over his shoulder. Bakura smirked and backed away silently. "Hey Ryou, think fast!" shouted Bakura. Ryou turned around and- THWACK!

"OW! Bakura, what was that for?" questioned Ryou. Bakura had thrown a phone at Ryou. He got PHONED! "Hey, you said you wanted to be phoned." Bakura retorted innocently. *vvttt* Ryou's cell phone vibrated. / Sorry Ry, my sister is on the phone. I'll phone you when she's done. /

:: NOO! DON'T PHONE ME! CALL ME! :: / ?_? What? / :: Well everytime I get a text Bakura reads it and he takes "phone me" to a whole new level. (dodges another phone) Get what I mean now? :: / lol, yeah. So I'll CALL you when I can ok? / :: Ok :) :: / OH, but first! /

(a shadow portal opens out of nowhere, then a phone flies out and hits Bakura on his ass, then the portal closes.) / So, how was that? / :: LOL XD that was awesome! You hit him on his but! I only wish I could have been the one to do that, but I would have been sent to the shadow realm for sure. lol :: / lol yeah, most likely. ::

Meanwhile Bakura had yet again been reading Ryou and Malik's texts. Bakura let out a feral growl while rubbing the sore spot on his but. "Hikari, you better take that back." Bakura smirked playfully. "UH-OH! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Ryou yelled to no one in particular. Ryou gulped and then ran for dear life.

In the middle of Ryou's leap of faith the phone rang. *ring, ring* Bakura and Ryou stopped everything they were doing. Ryou fell to the floor with a THUD "Ow! I didn't even know that was possible…" Ryou stated, then got up to answer the phone. "Hello?" asked Ryou.

No one was there. "Weird… All I got was the dial tone" said Ryou as he hung up the phone. "You're right, that is weird…" Bakura confirmed "But now…. GET OVER HERE HIKARI!" Bakura quickly continued. Then Ryou countered with "NEVER!" as he ran for dear life…again.

Moments later….

"NOO! Bakura-sama, get off of me!" shouted Ryou as he tried to wriggle out from under Bakura's grasp. Bakura just sat on top of Ryou un-phased by his actions. Then Bakura did another one of his sexy smirks. He bent down and whispered in Ryou's ear. "Say you're sorry and I might let you go." Bakura purred as he backed away from Ryou's face to see his reaction.

Ryou had a slight blush on his face he was about to say something but the phone cut him off. *ring, ring* After that Ryou snapped to his senses and said "Never!" Bakura got an evil idea. "Here you go Hikari." He purred. Bakura was handing him the phone, but just before Ryou could grab the phone.

Bakura threw it at him. " OW! Bakura-sama that hurt… Can you please get off me now?" pleaded Ryou. "No!" Bakura replied defiantly. By this time that phone had kept on ringing and ringing. Then something totally unexpected happened… The Phone... Spoke… "ring, ring… WILL SOMEONE ANSWER ME ALREADY?"

Blink… blink… Both Bakura and Ryou spoke at the same time. " WHAT! THE! FUDGE! I didn't know the phone could do that!" But Ryou answered the phone anyway, almost as if nothing had ever happened. "Hello?" answered Ryou. "Hey." said the voice on the other end of the phone. It was Malik.

"My sister finally got off the phone as you can hear. Gawd she can talk sometimes and that's coming from me! ha ha!" stated Malik. "Ha ha yeah, Hang on Malik I'm going to put you on speaker phone now, *beep* there done." said Ryou. "pffft. Bakura-sama please stop!" moaned Ryou.

"WHAT THE FUDGE? ARE YOU TWO HAVING SMXEY TIME WHILE I'M ON THE PHONE WITH YOU?" Malik question hurriedly. Both Bakura and Ryou shouted. "NOOO!" while turning every shade of red and pink. Malik just laughed. Then Ryou quickly stated, "Y-YOU PERVERT! BAKURA IS JUST TICKLING ME, NOT DOING T-THAT!"

Then out of nowhere. "pfffft! HAHAHA HA! OH MY RA! YOU GUYS ARE BETTER THAN CABLE!" laughed Akefia while falling on the floor. Then Bakura, Ryou and Malik stated," You know what cable is?" and just then they all realized "Wait… Akefia? HOW DID YOU GET HERE?"

Fin.

Afterword:

Please R&R peoples! Constructive criticism is welcome and if you have any ideas for a squeal or any other story that you would like me to write please let me know. :) OH, and no flames, flames will be sent through the shadow phone portal and back at your but!


	2. I'm ON The Phone!

Authoress Note:

Wow! I finally made another chapter for this story… YAY! Well I hope you think it's just as funny or funnier then the first chapter. Well please do enjoy.

Disclaimer:

I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh! Just this funny plot.

Information:

' ' = thoughts

* * = phone stuff

I'm On The Phone!

Ryou got home from school at around 2:45 pm. On his way home he promised Malik he would phone him… No wait… that he would call him. He did NOT want to get PHONED again. Ryou unlocked the front door and walked in. "Hey Kura, I'm home." Ryou immediately stopped what he was doing and stared at Bakura. He was sitting on the couch with an uncomfortable and innocent look on his face. Put together it was a very confusing combination. "Bakura…? Are… You okay?" Ryou asked suspiciously. "Y-Yeah I'm fine, w-why would you ask?" Bakura said as normally as possible, but his voice did crack here and there. This in turn made him even more suspicious.

"Hmmm… No reason… No reason…" Ryou said as he started to walk away. Ryou walked up to his room to find his phone so he could call Malik. "what the-… I could have swore that I left the phone on my nightstand…" Ryou stated confusedly. So Ryou set about his room to find the phone. Ryou's room is one of the most clean rooms in all of Domino, maybe even all of Japan. Well… It was. During the course of trying to find the phone Ryou succeeded in messing up his entire room. Ryou was currently in the farthest corner in the depths of his room. Ryou turned around… "OH! MY! RA! I'M LOST!" Ryou yelled into the abyss of nothingness that was now his room.

"What in the name of RA is going on up there?" Bakura hollered from his strange position on the couch. "U-Um, nothing Bakura! I'm just looking for something!" Ryou called back. "Tch… Whatever, good luck finding it!" Bakura replied knowingly. To Ryou that sounded even more suspicious, but he knew that right now he needed to clean his room before he got lost again. About 1 hour later Ryou had managed to put his room back into the picture of cleanliness that it was and find his way out on the process. When Ryou finished cleaning his room he realized that there was absolutely no way that the phone was in his room,

Ryou had actually gotten out of his room at around 3:52 pm. 'Wow, this is taking longer then I thought. Malik may not wait much longer. Hmm… I wonder… Maybe Bakura might know where the phone is.' Ryou thought hopefully. As Ryou was walking down the stairs he noticed that Bakura was still sitting in the same spot, same position and almost the same facial expression. The only difference was that Bakura's face was showing a little more discomfort then when he last looked at his face a little more then an hour ago. When he reached the bottom of the stairs Ryou just stopped and stared.

Ryou was very confused to say the least. "Are you sure… that you're okay?" Ryou asked with a perplexed expression on his face. "Heh, Yeah I'm sure. Weren't we through this earlier? Why wouldn't I be okay?" Bakura said while smirking the best he could with the amount of discomfort he has been feeling since Ryou came home. "Well it's just that you look very uncomfortable, so I was just wondering if you were okay, that's all" Replied Ryou. "Yeah, well… As you can see I'm perfectly fine." Bakura said still trying to act as if nothing was wrong.

"So… Was there something you wanted to ask of me Hikari or are you going to stand there all afternoon starring at me like a love struck fangirl?" Bakura asked haughtily. "Huh? Wha-…? OH! Right! I wanted to ask you if you've seen the phone." Ryou questioned quickly, trying to get rid of his blush because he realized that he had been starring. "Why, yes Hikari. I have seen the phone." Bakura said using his biggest smirk. Ryou narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Well? Are you going to tell me where it is or not?" asked Ryou. "Hmmm… Well at the moment I'm on the phone." Bakura stated truthfully. Ryou could tell that Bakura wasn't lying but he couldn't see the phone anywhere.

"What are you talking about Bakura? You're not on the phone, so stop joking around and tell me where it is! Malik's probably wondering what has happened to me!" Ryou said confusedly. "Yes, but I'm. On. The phone." Bakura insisted as he continued to smirk knowingly. Now Ryou was starting to get really confused. 'Wait a minute… He doesn't mean… No… He can't be… He's not SITTING on the phone is he?' Ryou thought disbelievingly. The look of realization told Bakura that Ryou finally got what he was saying.

*ring, ring* "AHH!" Bakura nearly jumped out of his skin. The noise and vibration of the phone on his but scared the crap out of him. 'Holy geez! I wasn't expecting that!' thought Bakura. Meanwhile Ryou was rolling on the floor laughing his but off. "OH! MY! RA! YOU ARE! HAHAHAHA! I can't believe you Bakura!" exclaimed Ryou. "Humph! You're one to talk. I'm only doing all this to teach you a lesson. A lesson to watch what you say and how you say it! You mortals and your weird lingo!" pouted Bakura.

"HAHAHAHA! Look at the pot calling the kettle black! Honestly, who even says lingo anymore?" And besides I'm not the one sitting on a phone!" retorted Ryou. "tch… Whatever… But I'm not getting off of this phone until you apologize." Bakura stated firmly. Meanwhile yet again the phone had been ringing and ringing and ringing, until something unexpected happened. The Phone... Spoke… Again! "HURRY-UP AND ANSWER ME!" exclaimed the phone. This in turn made Bakura jump in the air but when he landed on the phone he pushed two buttons, first the answer button and then the speaker button.

"Hello?" asked a very confused Malik. He had heard two beeps come from the other end of the phone, so he didn't know what was going on. Ryou just burst out laughing again. "Oh my Ra Kura! It's like your but just talked!" Ryou stated in between fits of laughter. Meanwhile Bakura made a very weird face. Well after all it did feel very weird to hear a voice and feel vibrations through his but. "Hello? Ryou?" Malik tried again after he had heard Ryou laughing. Bakura just ended up making another weird face. At this moment Ryou was still laughing but at least he could speak in coherent sentences.

"Hey Malik! Hang on a minute!" Ryou yelled in the general direction of Bakura's but. If anyone were to walk into their home for some unknown reason it would look like Ryou was having a conversation with Bakura's but. "I-I'm sorry Bakura. I really am. S-So can I please USE the phone now?" Ryou asked the best he could without laughing. "Humph, fine. I guess so, since you asked soooo nicely." Bakura said with fake joy, but he was going to give Ryou the phone anyway. "Thank you Bakura! Ryou replied cheerfully. He honestly hadn't expected Bakura to give him the phone that easily. Just when Ryou was about to take the phone from him, Bakura quickly pulled back his hand and leaned forward instead.

At this surprise Ryou gasped and that's when Bakura saw his chance. Bakura closed the small distance that was left between them and gave Ryou a rough but passionate kiss. Bakura licked the bottom of Ryou's lip asking for entrance. Ryou instinctively opened his mouth for Bakura. Bakura darted his tongue into Ryou's mouth and started to taste his sweet cavern. Ryou moaned into the kiss and started to return the treatment he was receiving. As Ryou continued to become absorbed into the kiss, Bakura pulled back. Bakura had a huge smirk on his lips when Ryou moaned at the loss of contact.

Bakura leaned forward again but this time past his mouth and straight to his ear. "Now that… was your apology." Bakura purred as he pushed the phone into Ryou's hand. As he walked away Ryou was frozen in place. He couldn't believe what had just happened and he had forgotten Malik was still on the phone, even when Malik spoke, "Um… Hello? Anyone there?" Ryou was still frozen in disbelief. "You might want to talk to your friend Hikari, because if you don't I could just as easily find a different use for that mouth of yours." Bakura stated seductively. With a quick "EEP!" from Ryou and a chuckle from Bakura, Ryou ran up to his room to tell Malik about everything that had just transpired.

Afterword:

I hope you all liked this chapter! Can anyone tell me where "look at the pot calling the kettle black" originated from or who first said it or even why it was used in that context? First reviewer to answer gets cookies and a mention next chapter of one of my stories. (the story of your choice) So peoples do R&R! If you're the first person to tell me about the saying then please do tell me which story it is you would like to be mentioned in the beginning of and btw: If you tell me info that's great but if all you tell me is you don't know then the only way you are going to be mentioned and given cookies is if someone doesn't give me any info. OH! And NO flames. Flames will be thrown back at you along with Bakura's different lingo!


End file.
